meditation and streaks vs habits and yapping about book genres (210526)

so yesterday i didn't meditate. i saw the title of a video or article or something a few weeks ago that said something like all these apps and their streaks are not helping you build habits, you just don't want to break the streak. it's been on my mind a little when it comes to my daily meditations and also in relation to my substack. i purposefully broke my streak of posting weekly for about two and a half year because it was no longer about self-discipline and it was just stressing me out. sure one year is impressive, two years is really impressive and then after that, who am i even doing this for you know? it felt really good to break the streak and even though i haven't posted in a couple of weeks now, i don't think anything has been destroyed. i'm going to post this sunday, i'm sticking to my word and i know i can without having to commit weekly again.

so i don't want to fall into the same trap with meditation, do it just because the app tells me about the streak i have going. after a certain number, i feel like it just doesn't really matter anymore. i stopped after 50 days and didn't meditate yesterday. for the past 50 days i guess, i've woken up, meditated for 5 to 10 mins, done some sun salutations or qigong, updated my planner and made a cup of tea. this routine is fine and relaxing but sometimes i just want to wake up and go straight to reading a book or be lazy and throw something on youtube. i don't want the streak at the back of my mind the same way it was with substack, like i'm being tied to this thing i never asked to be a part of. 50 days is enough, now it can be something that's part of my life regularly, without it being some competition with myself. if anything, i could do something like never go three consecutive days with meditating. similar with substack too, never go two consecutive weeks or something. just a little something to still hold me accountable but leaving room for low energy days.

i also finished reading annie knows everything by rachel wood and... i liked it enough but i know it's definitely not my style of book. i don't love how much i spent on a book that i found just okay, even cringe at times but it looks nice on the shelf at least. it was a fun, easy read as well which was nice but now i feel like i need something a little sharper. i picked up the poppy war by r.f. kuang from my bookshelf which i'm still not sure i'm going to commit to just yet. it's another book that's a little out of my scope. i did love babel though, but i think this one leans a little heavier on the fantasy side, something i never read. maybe i'll pick up white teeth by zadie smith again. that chonk of a book is going to take me an age so i'm not expecting to finish it any time soon, but i need a palette cleanser almost lol. i also can't say that i'm particularly enjoying the book either, i'm enticed by the characters but they aren't the cheeriest bunch and the topics can cut deep. but i guess that's just the type of story i'm drawn to.

i'll tell you what wasn't bad though, bloom by delilah s. dawson. that was such a good mix of literary and thriller, something i don't think i've read before. whenever i pick up a thriller, i know the writing isn't going to blow me away, i'm just here to be entertained. but finding a book with the perfect blend of good storytelling and good writing feels like a mission, it's always too far on either end for me. i didn't love the safekeep by yael van der wouden but that came close to what i'm talking about. talented writer, good story.

i'll see how the poppy war goes, or maybe i'll even pick up little women! i keep forgetting i was reading that oops.

okay i'm gonna go now byeee

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