i don't think i can rot anymore (060626)

hey hey so i had two days off work which i really needed because last week was intense, but now i am so ready to go back to work. i cannot tell you how weird it feels to not dread going to work in retail. i really hope this feeling lasts :'( sometimes i'm at work and i'm like god what do you mean i still have two hours left here but then i remind myself that this is just a particularly boring shift, they're not all like this, it's okay! every day can't be busy and full of stuff to do. retail is probably the only job where it genuinely is different every day. i can't stand reading job adverts that mention no day is the same here! yeah sure bob, sitting at the same desk every day to write the same prompt into chatgpt is a kaleidoscope of experiences isn't it. god i hate corporate.

i also think meditating helps with the mindset of remembering that some shifts are going to drag and that it's okay. i haven't meditated regularly in a couple of weeks and i think i'm starting to feel it. this is something i might have to do on a regular basis, it's almost as essential as food. i can feel my anxiety rise a little without it, so i need to go back to taking care of myself again. i did not do that for the past two days though lol i just rotted basically. i watched an entire series in one sitting yesterday... it was good though! it's called the curfew and it was on channel 5. now if you're british, you know the shows on there aren't exactly winning awards, they're like the equivalent of thriller books (in a general sense), and most of them i'm sure are based on thriller books anyway. regardless, i wasn't expecting much but this one really captured me! it's about a world where all men are tagged and put on a curfew between 7 pm and 7 am in aid of women's safety. i really like the premise and the acting was actually pretty good. the last channel 5 series i watched was questionable at best, but i definitely recommend this one!

so i didn't do much else yesterday, other than a quick walk to the supermarket and then a little drive with my partner in the evening. i felt kind of terrible after watching the series though. i think getting older prohibits my ability to sit in one place and watch and entire series in one sitting now. my head kind of hurt, i felt groggy, it wasn't pleasant at all. maybe my body has adjusted to all this walking and chatting i do at work and without it, i'm a bit restless. like i was tired but i also wanted to go on a run or something, just feel the wind on my face, climb some steep hills in a forest idk. i'm turning into someone i don't even recognise it's so strange. i used to be fine with staying in the house for weeks on end but now i think that sounds a little harrowing almost. i'll have another couple of days off soon and i'm already thinking of where i can go during that time. i'm so bad at finding events and things to do, maybe that's a skill i should try and hone. even if i feel lazy, i think i should attempt to do some sort of hobby instead of sit on the couch all day because i know i'll always regret that. or at least only rot for like 2 hours max.

i've also started writing another short story!! i'm back in my inspired mode... i think. but i also didn't feel too confident with my last short story when i first started and it ended up turning into something completely different so i think i should just try and keep at it. it feels so good to be back to writing again. i feel so productive.

i also started reading vanishing world by sayaka murata the other day and it's okay so far. the premise is so wild so i'm definitely sticking around to see how that develops. it's the perfect read for me right now, something not too long and has a unique premise (mc lives in a world where artificial insemination is the norm and no one conceives children the natural way). right i might go and read a bit of that and then do some cleaning around the house.

hope you're having a lovely dayyy, byeeee

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